WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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