look no pants
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i would punch a child for taco bell
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We smell like vodka and hangover
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