Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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