I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
