OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
