so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
