It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
