I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
