I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
