i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It was confusing and full of hummus
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
