I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
