So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
