Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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