Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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