Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
false alarm, still single
Randomize
