I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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