if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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