I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
