meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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