Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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