Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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