Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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