i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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