At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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