I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
