i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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