You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
