vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
