he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
