Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
