He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
