Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
