If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
