My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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