Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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