Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
