i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
