literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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