this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
