Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
