I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
