they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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