Pregnant stripper...not hot.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
