and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
