I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
