it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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