Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
