my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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