just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Randomize
