Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
