I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
