he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
