Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
