Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
