glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
